Why change feels so hard
This week I started coaching my niece in France. She's nearly 21 and is going through a big milestone in her life. She's struggling with the change, feels really unsettled, anxious, and she's VERY tired- basically between her studies and work she's burning the candle at both ends.🕯️
I often think back to my life at her age, and younger, when I was diagnosed with depression and straight away put on anti-depressant only aged 19.
Looking back now, it makes me so angry that it's the first response we get from the medical world.
Rather than taking time to understand what was happening, what had changed, what was missing - which for me at the time was that I started midwifery, I was under pressure, lacked sleep, and had left behind all the things that helped me release the feel good molecules for good mental and emotional health and sleep: dancing, exercise in the woods, playing music with my friends... I was just given a plaster to cover the wound.
Which makes medicine look more like a big drug cartel rather than a healing institution!
Anyway... Today I want to talk about why change feels so hard.
Truth: Your brain and nervous system don’t like change.
Because change = leaving your comfort zone. The unknown is perceived as a threat and your brain prefers familiarity.
And because change = creation of a new identity.
The bigger the difference between who you are now and who you need to become, the more resistance you feel. That’s why small steps always work better than big leaps!
Anxiety is your brain predicting the worst-case scenario. Your brain is naturally wired for survival, not happiness so it always assumes danger to keep you safe. That’s why the “What if…?” thoughts are always negative.
And here’s the thing…
Your nervous system can’t tell the difference between real and imagined threats. A fear about the future triggers the stress response (fight, flight, freeze) IN THE NOW.
Understanding this simple fact already starts to give you some power back: your brain is just trying to protect you and you don’t have to believe every anxious thought!
So here is a couple of tips when you're facing a big change:
Identify one thing you can do/implement today towards the new identity, and focus on that. When you're comfortable, add something else- think baby steps.
Take a pause when you feel anxiety rising! Is this a true threat right now? Likely the answer would be a no. So thank your anxiety and fear for trying to keep you alive and say "No thank you, not now" and BREATHE!! Slow deep breathing with long exhales will help calm the fight or flight response.
It is THAT simple.
Hope you found this helpful - if you did, give me a heart it would mean a lot, and share it!🙏💖